. On Having A Baby .

TT is going to be one tomorrow. And by that, I really just mean that we've managed to keep him alive for 365 days. Through the flu, two emergency trips to the doctor because fevers are serious things people and you can never be too cautious, FIVE TEETH, one monstrously bad haircut, two trips to Chicago, one choking-on-peas-incident, one trip to Houston, Tucker has managed to survive the Thumann Casa. 

While I've been a hot mess all week in complete bewilderment, I've also been cleaning like a woman possessed. We have a party to throw on Saturday! Mass chaos is about to descend upon the Thumann Casa! And have you seen the first birthday party pictures on Pinterest?! Suddenly, we MUST have a new deck, and your darn right I'm making individual Captain America shields as party favors. Like I said. Possessed.

Really though, I've learned some very important things through this keeping-a-child-alive business we call "Motherhood." You know me. Lifelong learner. I've listed ten below for your reading pleasure.

1) My child has better eyesight than AT and I put together. He will see a leaf three counties away and make a break for it that's faster than some warrior ninja and almost make it ... before he's caught, brought back and probably rushed to the hospital for a fever. 

2) The worry is unfathomable. Is he having fun at daycare today or did a kid shove him into the wall? Is he going to poop through his onsie in the car while I'm driving (again)? Did I remember the wipes? Is he going to scream through church? Is he going to yank the lamp off of the sofa table (again) or is he going to suck on a power cord (hasn't happened yet, but you never freaking know)? Is Peyton finally going to nip at him for yanking on her tail every. single. second? Endless worry happens - about stuff you'd NEVER think to worry about before. 

3) Sleeping through the night is overrated. Three a.m. parties are the norm, and nope, doesn't really matter all that much what your hair looks like. Even if it's in your face. Doesn't matter - you won't care. The only thing that I've found really seems to matter is rocking accidentally on your toes. THAT matters. 

4) You will become that mom you always made fun of secretly in your head. When the Amana Water Salesperson knocks on your door at EIGHT PM (for the love of all that's holy), and your dog goes psycho and wakes up your cranky, sleep-deprived-because-he-wakes-up-at-three-thirty-for-party-time child, you will actually use the f-word at him, and you will actually slam the door in his face, and you will actually say out loud, "His momma must've skipped that whole 'manners' day." You will actually consider putting that, "DO NOT WAKE UP MY KID" sign on your door [briefly].

5) You will say things you never, ever expected. "Did he poop on the wagon again?" "Is that poop on the front door?" "Is that poop by the couch?" "Is he chewing on that chair?" "This is not ski ball! We do not roll balls under the couch for fun!" "Stop licking the screen door!" "Don't chew on my flip flop!" 

6) Lowe's parking lots don't have trashcans. Anywhere. And when you're in the middle of Oklahoma, in the middle of December, and it's windier than necessary, and you're cleaning poop out of a carseat (again), you'll need a trashcan. 

7) My kid is the BEST kid. I mean, I'm not sure where this carnal, mom-crazed biz came from, but it's the truth. My kid is a genius. He's adorable. He's hilarious. And I'm pretty sure every single momma thinks that exact same thing. My kid is the BEST kid. 

8) Shoes are unnecessary, but that cover for the carts and high chairs is not optional. TT throws his cutest-pair-of-Nike-shoes-ever over the back seat all the time. Like it's his job. But the one time I forgot the cart cover at Walmart? Fever. Emergency trip to the doctor. Pandemonium. 

9) Baby lingo is common lingo. Wubbi. Night-nights. Tutters. Raffey. Yum-yums. I'm a grown woman with a Master's Degree and four published books. I've been reduced to calling my dog Pey-Pey. I don't know how it happens. 

10) You will use wipes for everything. Today, I wiped poop from Pey-Pey off of my leg (that really did happen), and yesterday, I used one to wipe applesauce off of the wall (that really happened, too). 

I kind of was stuck in this crazy place today, often thinking of where I was exactly one year ago. In the morning, I was hot and pregnant. In the afternoon, I was hot, pregnant, jubilant about Tuck's impending arrival. Through the night, I was hot, (still) pregnant, much less jubilant, and more so just really super cranky that everyone else was sleeping and I was not. And all I wanted was a Kit-Kat. 

I'm telling you what though. This kid is totally worth it. (See #7). 

xoxo, B.

. Headed home from the hospital! .