. On Making It .

. Quick prayer of thanks for the lady that dyes my hair. Amen .

I get weird emails every day. Buy this! Do that! Look at these great inflatable prices! (Ya buy ONE bounce house, you guys. And they don't leave you alone.)

But sometimes, in between the junk, there are gems. 

This one came to me today, and I'm pretty sure it has something to do with how much Craig has been all up in my Facebook author page lately. And he's just so handsome, I can't help myself. 

​At first, I kind of chuckled ... I texted Craig and told him about it. 

But then, I looked at it again. 

And I don't know? Maybe what I have to say could help someone? 

So here goes. 
This is what I would say. 

Dear Rebecca - 

I know it's kind of weird to message about something like this. I'm dating again. How do you and your boyfriend make it? 

---

Dear Making It: 

My answer is brutal, gut-checking honesty. 

We're both divorced, and I can only speak for myself here. But when I left one broken relationship, I came to the other side with a pretty well defined list: 

• Similar religious beliefs
• Similar political beliefs
• Similar financial beliefs
• Be each other's biggest fan
• Don't talk about each other's yucky parts to other people

Those last two have just been added to the list in the last month because girls like to do that kind of thing.

Craig checks all of my boxes, but it's just not that easy. 

​I was telling my friend Katie, from Lovely in the Dark, just the other night - I STILL will get weird about things. Craig says he's going out with his friends on a Friday night, and I STILL find myself sitting up at ten p.m. staring at my phone. The only difference here is that I'm marveling at the fact that I'm not worried. So - and this is a little embarrassing, but whatever - so I will actually text him and say something like - 

HI. IT'S YOUR GIRLFRIEND THAT'S OVER HERE NOT WORRYING ABOUT YOU. 

And then I go to bed. 
And I sleep. 
And I genuinely DON'T worry about him.

It's continuous. It's not something that happened over night. When he wakes up the next morning and reads my text, we talk about it. How it felt to not worry, and WHY I didn't worry. Those are some tough conversations sometimes, you know? Walking through old hurts over and over can be exhausting. It's so necessary, though. 

When we decided to do this thing together, there were (are) hard conversations. HONEST conversations. The only way we've survived some dark days is just being honest - 

about what we want.
about how we feel.

Otherwise, what the heck are you doing? Living a lie? That's just a no for me.

Also, and I have learned that this is kind of important: 

Apologizing quickly and sincerely? Game changer. 

The first time I had enough courage to tell Craig that he hurt my feelings, he looked at me and sincerely apologized and there was no "but" tied on at the end. No, "I'm sorry, but..." No blame. No judgement. Just a pretty honest apology with open hands and concerned eyes. 

And the weirdest thing happened - I moved on. 

ALL of this is just to say that Craig and I are not perfect. Not by a long shot. Do we step on each other's toes and press each other's buttons? Sure. 

But do we love each other? Extend each other grace? 

Yup.

So THAT is what I would say if I was the person to respond to emails. 

But I'm not that person lately. 

Soooooooooooo.... #justbeinghonest

​xoxo, B.