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The other night, after a long day, I laid next to The Boyfriend and stared at the ceiling fan going, and going, and going. I kept telling him over and over, "I just don't know what to do."
It had been a long day for him, too. To his credit, he listened to my whispers in the dark and he breathed out encouragement after encouragement. My tears fell. I was more distraught then I've been in a very, very long time. "One thing at a time," he kept saying. "Take the smallest part and do that." My problem was that, while I know how to teach, I've never taught junior high and I have no idea what kinda curriculum is sitting on my shelf. On that day, I was simply overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with work. But mostly, I was overwhelmed with the possibility of it all. What I could accomplish in my classroom. What I can do. There's just so much. I was in the weeds. And when you're in the middle of the weeds, it's often tough to find your way out. Sometimes they're too tall, sometimes they're the tangling vines and they catch your feet. Sometimes, you stretch your hands out over them and they feel good as they tickle your palm in the wind ... so you stay a second. Hidden. It certainly isn't a place to stay for long, though. And just when I felt like maybe I was drowning ... Just when I felt like I was lost in the wrong decision ... My mom came to visit. The Boyfriend stayed for the week. My dining room table slowly lost some school clutter. Random people sent me perfectly timed "I've been thinking of you" texts. And the weeds started to fall away. Jen Hatmaker says that when things go south, you gotta let the core hold. Push through the hard things. And give more grace to each other than what makes sense. I kind of think that's the only way to survive. You find yourself lost and your tribe is there to point you back on your way again. And when you find others lost, you stand on the side of the road and call out to them. You bring them back home, too. After all, that's where we're all headed, isn't it? Aren't we all just trying to get back home? Last week was definitely a Tribe Win. I am so damn thankful for them. And for you, too. We can do hard things. xoxo, B. |
